Dear Amy: About two years ago, my husband started using the “N-word” (we are white).

He mainly used this word when watching something that upsets him or when he would drink. You get the picture.

He is now upset because some of the family (and I) say that using the N-word makes him look racist.

He says it’s just a word, and it’s OK because he used it all the time when he lived in California with his Black friends and that they all just said it, no matter what race they were referring to.

We argue about this, and he defends his past behavior, no matter my opinion.

He has mostly stopped using the word after I made a huge issue about it. Occasionally, he will say it when he is mad about a certain person on the news or politician and it’s loud enough that our daughter can hear.

Your opinion? — Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: Using the “N-word” doesn’t make your husband “look” racist.

It makes your husband an actual racist. According to you, he only evokes the word when he is mad at or hates something or someone. But this is a case where context doesn’t even matter.

Racists seem to enjoy declaring that the “N-word” — or other racial or ethnic slurs — are “just words,” but for some reason they never seem to use slurs directed at themselves. Dear Nancy: Smart kid!

Dear Amy: The letter from “Too Controlling?” regarding bribing a young person not to get a tattoo reminded me: When my now 40-year-old son was turning 16, he asked to get his ear pierced for his birthday.

As I have pierced ears, I saw no reason to say no. My mother was horrified and told him she’d get him anything else he wanted if he didn’t do it. He thought for a moment and responded, “a tattoo.”

Needless to say, he had his ear pierced. And I was very proud of him. — Nancy,