Dear Amy: I have been married for over 30 years.

At our 25th anniversary dinner, my wife told me she was interested in trying an “open marriage.” I was shocked, thinking that we still had a strong desire for each other.

Later, at a counseling session, when asked if she was physically attracted to me, she said flippantly, “Not now, never was.”

That opened a chasm in our marriage that has grown, and we no longer see a viable way forward. Counseling didn’t help us figure out how to recapture our love. We decided that it would be better for us if we could try a “trial separation.”

Then our daughter (the youngest of four children and in her 20s) suddenly exhibited some alarming mental health issues. Thus began a journey of hospitalizations, brushes with the law, and significant behavioral issues. Following two years of treatment, and on meds, our daughter has stabilized to the point she can work, but she is very dependent upon us.

We put our separation on hold and worked relatively well together during the height of the crisis, but ultimately, this has not brought us closer. We are both unhappy.

If we separate, we are terribly afraid of how our daughter will react. We fear destabilizing her. What should I/we do? — In a Quandary

Dear Quandary: In terms of your daughter’s situation, I am not qualified to predict the impact of your choices on her.

However, broadly speaking, you are not bound to remain together in a volatile and unhappy marriage for your daughter’s sake. By insisting on staying together for your daughter’s sake, you might be burdening her by making her responsible for your relationship.

I believe it should be possible to quietly and peacefully part, while still being involved and devoted to your daughter and very much in her corner.

Either one of you quickly bringing new partners into the mix would NOT be wise, but her therapist might help to coach all of you through this. Dear Dr. Roach:

About seven years ago, I was diagnosed with hemochromatosis, and my ferritin level was in the thousands. A liver biopsy showed no damage from the excess iron, and after having regular blood tests and phlebotomies, my ferritin level is now down to an acceptable level.

After relocating to a new state and finding a new hematologist, my ferritin count is now down to 250. The normal range is 24 to 336 nanograms per liter. The doctor wants me to have another phlebotomy, as she states that the ideal range for someone with hemochromatosis is 100 or below. My 250 reading is the lowest I have ever been since I was diagnosed, and I can’t find any info verifying the 100 or below recommendation. — D.M.

Answer: Hereditary hemochromatosis is a disease of iron absorption. Normally, the body absorbs iron very efficiently when the body’s iron levels are low, and doesn’t absorb much or any when the iron level is where it should be.

In hereditary hemochromatosis, iron is absorbed at the highest possible level by the body all the time.

This leads to iron overload since the body has (almost) no way of ridding itself of extra iron. The “almost” refers to women with menstrual periods, which does get rid of some iron. Women typically develop symptoms of HH later than men, but it is possible for menstruating women to develop iron overload.

Bloodletting (phlebotomy) remains the most effective treatment for hemochromatosis. Every unit of blood contains 200 to 250 mg of iron, and some people with HH may need 30 units of blood removed to get to a normal iron level, while others may need 100. Once the iron level is in the target range, periodic phlebotomy is necessary to keep the iron in the normal range.

Most experts now aim for the lower range of normal to just a little bit below normal. Below 100 ng/l is certainly a reasonable goal, but some guidelines recommend even lower, below 30 ng/l.

In my opinion, 250 ng/l is not an ideal goal, as excess iron may deposit into various tissues even at that level. I agree with your hematologist.

Dear Heloise: I had several pairs of pantyhose, so I washed them, dried them and placed onions in the legs. After I place an onion in the pantyhose, I tie a tight knot to separate it from the next onion. This lets air circulate around the onions and prevents rot from spreading from one onion to the next.

When I want an onion, I just snip off the bottom onion because the knot at the bottom keeps the other onions from falling out. — Alice C., Ludlow, Vt.

Dear Heloise: I recently bought a microwave and was so excited to try it out. I wanted a baked potato, so I washed a big spud and put it in the microwave.

Since it was a fairly large potato, I increased the baking time.

I finally heard a loud pop sound and found my potato had exploded. What did I do wrong? — Todd J., Elizabeth, N.J.

Todd, did you puncture

the potato several times with a fork or knife?

Pressure, heat and moisture all contribute to an exploding potato when the skin is not punctured to release the steam inside. — Heloise

Dear readers: Here is a wonderful dish to serve during these warm summer months. It always makes me think of the Hawaiian Islands, soft ocean breezes and starry nights on Maui. You’ll need:

6 tablespoons butter 1 medium onion, finely chopped

2 teaspoons finely chopped, fresh ginger 6 tablespoons flour

1 1/2 teaspoon salt

2 to 3 teaspoons curry powder

2 cups milk

1 cup coconut milk

3 cups cooked shrimp Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and ginger and cook slowly until transparent. Add flour, salt and curry powder and blend thoroughly. Add the milk and coconut milk, stirring constantly. Cook slowly until thick and smooth. Add the shrimp and heat through. Be sure to serve with white rice. — Heloise