The Colorado Springs Gazette final

ADVICE

AMY DICKINSON send questions to askamy@amydickinson.com or to ask amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, Ny 13068.

Dear Amy: I no longer communicate with my remaining immediate family members. Honestly, it’s a relief.

My family is significantly dysfunctional. Some things that happened in our home would have qualified for child services intervention — if anyone had known.

My mother is truly a monster who hides behind a socially acceptable exterior.

Neither my sister nor I qualify as monsters, but we were never close. I find her garbage-stuffed hoarder house and the way she mocks others disgusting. She probably finds me to be a judgmental, imperious jerk. (I wouldn’t blame her.)

Several months ago, my partner witnessed a horrible scene involving my mother and her husband’s vicious behavior. He’s at the point where he can’t be in their presence any longer.

After the episode, my sister (who wasn’t present) stopped responding to my attempts to contact her. I decided to have nothing more to do with any of them.

Amy, I feel free. With each passing month, I feel lighter. My problem is that I don’t know what to say to people who don’t know we’re estranged when they ask me how they are. So far I just say, lightly and without any drama, that I don’t want to talk about them.

Do you have better suggestions? — Fancy Free

Dear Fancy Free: Congratulations on your liberation. Your family of origin seems to present genuine dangers to your own mental and emotional health.

The fact that you are so concerned about how to describe this estrangement to others means that you’re still working through your choice.

You don’t need to explain or describe your situation. When people ask you about your family members, you can say, “I haven’t seen them in a while. Honestly I don’t know how they are.”

If people dig for reasons, you can say, “I just needed to take a break. That’s all. But you should get in touch with them. I bet they’d like to hear from you.”

EATS

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2022-08-11T07:00:00.0000000Z

2022-08-11T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://daily.gazette.com/article/282449942800491

The Gazette, Colorado Springs