Q : As a recently remarried step-parent, what can I do to smooth the transition to blended family life for my children, step kids and everyone else? J im: First and foremost, be patient. The task of building a blended family is challenging and complicated. Even under the best circumstances, it takes time — lots of it. Here are some thoughts on what this might mean and how the details may play out in practical terms:

Don’t expect to become the Brady Bunch overnight: Create realistic goals. Keep the lines of communication open and discuss your hopes and dreams together -with the understanding that flexibility is key. Blending is possible, but it can’t be forced. It must arise out of the slow process of developing genuine, honest relationships with one another.

Give lots of affection to everyone in your family. That means spending time alone with your spouse, working on your “couple” relationship and making intimacy a priority. When showing affection to stepchildren, don’t try to “prove yourself” to them, and don’t make them feel as if they have to earn your love. They’ll need some space to grieve the loss of their “old” family and reflect on how the future will look. Give them this space without rushing their processing. Overall, be genuine and create an environment of respect where everyone can share their feelings. Finally, build a history together. Common experiences and shared memories are foundational to making a family. So look for ways to build a sense of “us” and “we” in your blended family. Plan trips. Create holiday traditions. Take lots of pictures. Don’t try to erase memories of the “old” family; simply work hard to build new memories together.

If you’d like to discuss these issues at greater length feel free to call Focus on the Family’s counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357). Q : My marriage is struggling. I’m not really sure how we got to this point, but it seems like we spend most of our time fighting over who did what. I want to recapture the good relationship that we had once upon a time; do you have any advice? G reg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage: Debt burdens many marriages. It creates a situation where each spouse must wrestle with questions of security and priorities. It can also cause husbands and wives to become deeply frustrated with one another. I advise you to take some clear and definite steps to escape debt as quickly as possible — and stay away from it. Effective interaction and a willingness to compromise are crucial to surviving debt. As a couple, you must agree on a plan. Make a list of all your debts, the amount owed on each, the interest rate and minimum payment due, and any payments made above the minimum. Then, devise a plan to pay each off.

One strategy is to pay the minimum balance on the debts with the lowest interest rates, while focusing on paying off the debts with the highest interest rates first. By using this approach, you will minimize the total amount of accumulated interest required to repay all outstanding debts.

A second strategy, known as the “Debt Snowball Method,” focuses on paying off the smallest balance first — while continuing to pay the minimum on each — regardless of the interest rates involved. This theory is based on human behavior and financial principles. Paying the little debts off first will provide positive feedback that will motivate you to succeed.

In the meantime, life must go on. Don’t sentence yourselves to a joyless existence while you escape debt. Keep on having fun and enjoying each other, but find ways to do so inexpensively — for example, going on picnics, playing games or checking out libraries, museums and free concerts.