The governors offered these tips for constructive conflict, drawn from the 2021 book “Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes,” by Ian Leslie.

1. First, connect: Before getting to the content of the disagreement, establish a relationship of trust.

2. Let go of the rope: Give up trying to control what the other person thinks and feels.

3. Give face: Show respect; disagreements become toxic when they become status battles.

4. Check your weirdness: Behind many disagreements is a clash of cultures. Don’t assume yours is the normal one.

5. Get curious: The rush to judgment stops us from listening and learning. Instead of trying to win the argument, try to be interested — and interesting.

6. Make wrong strong: Mistakes can be positive if you apologize quickly and authentically. Acknowledging mistakes and misunderstandings enables you to show humility, which can strengthen the relationship and ease the conversation.

7. Disrupt the script: Hostile arguments get locked into simple and predictable patterns. To make the disagreement more productive, introduce novelty and variation. Be surprising.

8. Share constraints: Disagreement benefits from a set of agreed-upon norms and boundaries that support expression.

9. Only get mad on purpose: No amount of theorizing can fully prepare us for the emotional experience of a disagreement. Sometimes your worst adversary is yourself.

10. Golden Rule — be real: Make an honest human connection.