How can I politely say no when friends are passing through town or vacationing here and ask if they can spend a couple of nights with us?

I have never said no to anyone and have always been gracious to anyone staying in our home, but I find I really don’t enjoy it. I have extreme stress and anxiety days before they arrive, and also while they are here.

My husband doesn’t understand my tirades over this. He welcomes anyone who wants to stay with us.

I just don’t like people here with us 24 hours a day. I like my privacy at night to rest and read or watch television, and the last thing I want is to see faces at the breakfast table when I get up in the morning.

I know this issue will be coming up soon again as one recent guest has already said he plans to be back early next year.

Houseguests unsettle me; my lack of privacy is the issue, although I make sure they would never guess how I feel. I don’t want to offend anyone, but my mental health is more important to me than sharing my home with out-of-towners.

How do I nicely say sorry, but no? — Not Saying No

Dear Not Say

ing: Saying “no” firmly but kindly is an act of clarifying grace and, in your case, essential selfcare.

Your husband is the X-factor here, because he chooses not to recognize your extreme challenge, and then undermines you by being an automatic “yes” man. The first person you need to learn to say “no” to is the man you are sharing your home with. Your pre-visit “tirades” brought on by stress don’t seem to have impressed him.

You could practice a “no” with these next self-invited guests: “You mentioned wanting to visit, but I’m finding it very hard to host lately, so hosting you in our home won’t be possible. I’ve found a number of nearby places you could look at to stay, and I’d be really happy to spend time with you during your time in town.”

If you can’t bring yourself to either confront your husband about this or manage an emailed “no,” you will land with people at your breakfast table.