“Dear Daughter” is engaged to a great guy. She is finishing college and heading to grad school, so the wedding is likely 18 months away.

I like the groom, but he has some strong opinions about the wedding!

He wants a small wedding with only clergy, the couple, and parents present. He says he organized his brother’s wedding by himself, and it was fine (why was the bride’s family NOT involved?). Also, he wants to have the wedding in his home state, in the Midwest. (We live in the West.)

When my daughter has noted that the bride and her family “traditionally” organize the wedding, his response is: “But it’s my wedding, too!”

When I mention hiring a wedding planner, he disagrees (wait, who is paying for this?).

My compromise is a wedding out West, with a second reception in his hometown with his family or him in charge. He is OK with this, but he still insists the Western wedding should be only five people.

Must I become Momzilla, Destroyer of Weddings, or is there a way to move forward with concessions and compromises on both sides?

If this an example of decision-making between them, should I recommend pre-marriage counseling? — MOB

Dear MOB: You dangle the threat of becoming a Momzilla, Destroyer of Weddings, but I’d say you are already stomping over this celebration, spewing your mighty tongues of fire.

Lay off. Let the marrying couple plan the wedding they want to have, wherever they want to have it and however they want to have it. If you don’t want to pay for what they’ve planned, then don’t. (Financing the wedding should be their responsibility.)

If you’d like to host and pay for a reception in your Western hometown afterward, you can plan it, choose the Champagne and flowers, and have it reflect your family’s preferences and taste.

Yes, premarital counseling would be helpful — definitely for them. And also for you.